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Sex

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Basics

Contents

Of adults between 25-44 years of age, around 95% have had sexual contact with another person.

Males have an average of 6 female sexual partners in their lifetime.

Females have an average of 4 male partners in their lifetime.

Studies have shown that married couples have sex approximately twice as often as single people

Out of every ten times that you have sex, the chances are: twice it'll be great; six times it'll be nice; twice you'll be disappointed.

Males are generally more satisfied with their sex lives than females. 

The more satisfied you are in sexual matters, the happier and healthier you’ll likely feel.

Five factors affecting sex: angle of penetration; limb movement; physical position; rhythm; speed.

For females, the angle of penetration is significant because different areas within the vagina and the vagina canal give different amounts of pleasure.

The angle of penetration is important for males because it affects the stimulation of their penis and their general comfort.

To change the angle of penetration, hold your partner in a slightly different position or lie / kneel on pillows.

Don't overly focus on the genital connection; the whole body can be used to sexually stimulate your partner.

How you position / use your arms, hands, legs, and feet, makes a big difference; experiment with positioning / using them in different ways.

Without you and your partner moving in rhythm, it’s difficult for either of you to have an orgasm.

Sex positions that don’t allow for a lot of movement make it more difficult to move in rhythm; time and practice are needed to enjoy such positions.

Experiment with changing (both increasing and decreasing) the speed and pacing of penetration throughout intercourse.

The more the speed and pacing of penetration are varied, the unpredictable the sex becomes and the more stimulated you and your partner become.

Positions

One sexual position isn’t generally better than another; it depends on the preferences of you and your partner.

The missionary position is considered to be the most common sexual position.

Missionary position: Female lies on their back; male lies on top of the female, supporting himself with his upper body.

Bum lift position: Female lies on their back; male kneels in front of the female, one or both hands under their bum, lifting / tilting their pelvis forward whilst penetrating.

Doggy style position: Female on their hands and knees; male on their knees, behind the female.

Edge of the bed position: Female lies with their lower half off the bed; male kneels / stands in front of the female.

Female on top position: Male lies on their back; female sits on top of the male, facing them, knees bent, shins on the bed.

Knees to chest position: Female lies on their back, knees to their chest; male on their knees, facing the female.

Raised kneeling position: Male kneels, keeping their upper body upright; female sits on / straddles the males lap, wrapping their arms around his body.

Side-by-side position: Male and female lie next to each other, facing each other, with arms and legs intertwined.

Spooning position: Male and female lie next to each other, facing in the same direction, male behind the female. 

Advice / Tips

Foreplay is a fundamental part of having sex.

Foreplay includes a range of activities: caressing; kissing; licking; touching; undressing.

By knowing which parts of your partner’s body are particularly sensitive, you can pay extra attention to them during foreplay to heighten their arousal.

Kiss various parts of your partner’s body, not only their mouth.

Many females enjoy having their neck and shoulders kissed.

Massaging your partner during foreplay will relax them and make them feel more sensual.

Lots of females enjoy having their vagina massaged by their partner’s fingers.

Having their penis massaged by their partner’s hand(s) is enjoyable for most males.

Let your partner know when they’re doing something that you enjoy. 

If your partner needs some guidance, gently move their hands to demonstrate what arouses / stimulates you.

Only start penetrative sex when both you and your partner are fully aroused.

Don’t fake or say you like something that you don't; do so and it won't get any better next time.

You and your partner should feel equally pleased with your sexual activities.

Ask for feedback from your partner afterwards; find out what worked and what didn't.

Compliment even the smallest of sexual pleasures that your partner gave you; doing so gives them confidence. 

Don’t judge someone after having sex with them one time; many will improve as they become more comfortable with you.

The more open you and your partner are about your sex life, the more relaxed and confident you and your partner will be during sex.

Most people would like more variety in their sex lives; however, embarrassment or fear of rejection prevents them from making suggestions to their partner.

Anal sex is still considered a taboo topic, but it can be a healthy and pleasurable addition to a sexual relationship.

For many people, oral sex is the easiest and best way to have an orgasm. 

Orgasms

During an orgasm: the heart pumps faster; breathing gets heavier; blood is pumped to the genitals; pelvic-floor muscles contract; mood enhancing chemicals are produced.

Orgasms in males and females are physiologically and psychologically very similar.

A zone (often referred to as the g-spot) 2.5cm to 5cm inside the vagina on the front wall is a highly sensitive, pleasurable area for many women.

The g-spot is about the size of a pea when un-aroused and the size of a small-medium coin when aroused.

Although an orgasm and ejaculation normally occur together, a male may have an orgasm without ejaculating. 

An orgasm doesn’t mean that you have to stop having sex at that time; your body is capable of continuing if you want it to.

Studies have shown: 10% of females never have an orgasm; 75% of females don’t have an orgasm during penetrative sex; 50% of females have faked having an orgasm. 

The majority of females need direct stimulation to the clitoris to achieve an orgasm, which often doesn't happen through penetrative sex alone.

Most people who fake orgasms do so to please their partner; feeling they'll be disappointed if they don’t do so.

Tiredness, general illness or medication can prevent both males or females having an orgasm.

If you're in good physical health and aren’t tired, failure to have an orgasm is likely due to a psychological reason.

Psychological reasons for not having an orgasm include: fear of losing control; feelings of shame or guilt; poor self-esteem / body image; relationship problems.

An orgasm is both a physical and an emotional experience. 

You can't make someone have an orgasm if they not physically and mentally in the right state.

Intimacy doesn't always have to end in an orgasm; you and your partner should be able to enjoy each other and have fun without having one.

Problems

Leaving sexual problems unattended means that your sex life will never live up to it's potential.

Doctors and psychosexual therapists are specifically trained to deal with sexual problems; don't feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk to them about problems with your sex life.

Premature ejaculation is the most common male sexual problem; it’s experienced by most males at some point in the life. 

Possible causes of premature ejaculation: anxiety; medication; psychological condition; physical problem; sexual inexperience.

Erectile dysfunction (also known as impotence) is the inability to achieve or sustain an erection that's hard enough or lasts long enough to complete sexual intercourse.

Possible causes of erectile dysfunction: anxiety; medication; physical problems; psychological condition; relationship problems; sexual boredom; unresolved sexual orientation.

Erectile dysfunction is thought to affect at least one in ten males.

Males suffering from erectile dysfunction should consult their doctor; in most cases it can be treated effectively.

Males who can achieve and sustain an erection, but who struggle or cannot have an orgasm, are experiencing a condition called delayed ejaculation.

If a male experiences delayed ejaculation when masturbating, as well as when with a partner, the cause may be physical; if it's only occurs when with a partner, the problem will likely be psychological.

Many males are concerned about the size of their penis; they may need reassurance about it from their partner.

Females may sometimes feel pain whilst having sex; this is called dyspareunia.

The vagina isn’t meant to be penetrated whilst un-aroused; doing so will likely hurt the female. 

Females who are sure that they're aroused but are still experiencing pain should consult their doctor.

At some point in a relationship, there will likely be an imbalance in sexual interest i.e. one partner wanting more sex than the other. It's usually males who have a higher sexual drive than women; though it does happen the other way.

Turning down a partner for sex can lead to feelings of rejection; always explain why and try to say when the next time will be.

If you notice a distinct downturn in sexual relations with your partner then it will likely be the result of an unattended emotional issue that needs to be talked about and resolved. 

Changes in your sex drive and sexual response as you get older should be discussed and adjusted to, not ignored.

Most people are physically able to be sexual throughout their whole adult life.

Health / Contraception

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are diseases that are mainly passed from one person to another during sex (vaginal, anal or oral).

The most common way of being infected with an STD is being in sexual contact with someone who already has an STD.

If you and your partner have sex only with each other, and neither of you has tested positive for an STD in the past 12 months, you’re not at risk.

There are approximately 25 different STDs.

Most common STDs: chlamydia; genital herpes; genital warts; gonorrhea; hepatitis (A, B and C); syphilis.

Common STD symptoms: discharge; itching; pain when urinating; rashes; sores.

Some STDs show symptoms shortly after being transmitted; others don’t show symptoms for a while.

Some STDs can be passed on despite the infected person not having any symptoms of it.

If you’re concerned that you may have an STD, see your doctor immediately.

Many STDs can be easily cured; however, if left untreated, they may cause unpleasant symptoms and / or lead to infertility. 

Females are more likely than males to become infected with an STD.

If you’re diagnosed with an STD, you should tell everyone who you’ve had sex with in the past year.

If you don’t tell past sexual partners that you’ve been diagnosed with an STD, you put them at risk of becoming infertile; it also puts their new partner(s) at risk.

Regular STD testing is advisable for anyone in the habit of having sex with different sexual partners. 

Condoms protect against both STDs and unplanned pregnancies.

Condoms are 99% effective if you follow the instructions on the packaging and use a new one every time you have sex.

Methods of contraception include: condoms; contraceptive pill, contraceptive patches, sterilisation.

Since no single method of contraception is guaranteed; using more than one is advisable.

Links

www.sexuality.about.com : How-to articles. Talking about sex. Sexual health.

www.bbc.co.uk : Tips, techniques and exercises to improve your sex life.

www.health24.com : Range of articles on all aspects of sex.

www.sexinfo101.com : Sex positions guide. Advice on massaging, oral sex and orgasms.

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